Forgive the rage bolus, so cunning, so calculating, so primed to take us down
So what the heck is that above? At 4 am I appear to be 170 mg/dl. I was 173 mg/dl when I checked upon waking and 166 mg/dl when I checked on my meter. I checked because this is unusual for me and I just put this sensor on yesterday, and we know they can go wacky in the first 24 hours. Yet, that it was not.
Since I typically need 2 units when I wake up a little high, let’s say 130 mg/dl – one for the Dawn Effect and 1 for my coffee. – my fingers skipped my rationale calculating mind and pushed the plunger down on 3 units. After all, I was 170!
An hour later I paid for my impulsivity. 55 mg/dl (also confirmed on my meter) was the bottom only because I finally ate a teaspoon of honey and 1 jelly bean. FYI I hate to eat for no other reason than I have to, so I usually wait it out like a Tiger Mom watching how far and fast my numbers go up and down.
I think unfortunately the rage bolus is here to stay. It’s just the expression of human emotion. We want to rectify a troubling situation FAST. Even I, who generally follows Dr. Richard Bernstein’s “law of small numbers” (google it for the short explanation) gets sucked in when my emotions override my better thinking; but of course I can blame it on neurobiology saying my perhaps to say it’s really not my fault at all as it’s my amygdala gets hijacked and I just go along.
Then, the only thing you can do, the only route back to sanity is self-forgiveness. Luckily today I had the fortitude to bestow that gift upon myself. I wish you the same.
