Taking Charge of My Finances Gave Me Strength During Loss
As told to Jacquelyne Froeber and Noelys Mendez
August 14 is National Financial Awareness Day.
I grew up in the countryside of Cuba in a traditional Cuban household.
My father was the provider for the family. He worked — a lot — on the small farm we owned and he took care of all of our finances. My mother also worked incredibly hard making sure we had everything we needed. She took the money my father gave her and magically tracked down food, cleaning supplies, clothing, etc., which was a full-time job considering where we lived.
Life moved at a slow pace in our small town, but when I turned 19, I fell in love and things started moving very fast. I went from my family home to married life and I became pregnant soon after the wedding. Two months after I turned 20, I gave birth to a baby girl. I fell in love with her the moment I saw her, and I knew I would do anything to protect her and keep her happy.
Unfortunately, I wasn’t happy in my marriage. I wanted to keep the dream of our family alive, but we weren’t right for each other, and we separated just two years after getting married.
I was devastated, but deep down, I knew it was the right thing to do. I knew we could both be happier than we were.
Still, it took me by surprise how happy I could really be. I met the love of my life about two years after the divorce. We had an instant connection, and I knew he was my person.
Damian was handsome, thoughtful and kind. Most importantly, he treated my daughter like his own.
We moved naturally into our familiar, traditional roles. He was the provider, and we never talked about bills or finances before or after we got married. But when I got pregnant, we started talking about moving to the United States. Cuba has its economic limitations, and we wanted our girls to have more opportunities and freedom to do whatever they wanted.
Osleidy and her daughter(s) and husband Damian in Cuba, 2008
In 2010, we were able to make our dream a reality and we moved to Florida. Damian found a full-time job as an auto technician, and I stayed home with the kids.
Damian continued to take care of all the bills, the house and the cars. Everything was in his name.
Like my mother, I did all the shopping with money he’d give me. When I used a credit card, he paid the bill.
Money wasn’t tight but I never took it for granted. Damian worked a lot — sometimes nights and weekends. I felt it was my job to help save us money, so finding the best bargains and deals became my super power. I never wanted him to think I would take advantage of his incredibly hard work.
We had 12 amazing years in the U.S. before he was diagnosed with liver cancer in 2022. The news was an absolute shock. I told the doctor that it must be a mistake. He was just 41! “Too young for cancer,” I insisted. Also, we had plans. We had a great life. We had two beautiful girls and places to go and things to do.
But cancer didn’t care.
The disease was relentless and cruel. For months, Damian stayed in bed at home, unable to work. I stepped in as his full-time nurse and quit my part-time job. There was always the hope that maybe things would turn around and he would miraculously get better. But that didn’t happen. And with no steady income, we went through money quickly.
I was in caregiving mode so I pushed the looming financial problems away. Then one day, out of the blue, it hit me. Damian wasn’t going to get better. Everything was on me now. My mother and my youngest daughter were living with us. I was responsible for keeping a roof over our heads. How in the world was I going to do that?
A flood of panic gripped my body and I gasped for air. It was all too much. “I can’t do this,” I whispered out loud. I was grieving. I was exhausted. I didn’t have the strength to push forward. I didn’t even know where to start.
But I knew who to ask. My eldest daughter was 25, and although she’s married, she’s in an equal marriage where she and her husband split the bills and ownership of their property.
I didn’t want to tell her that I needed help, but I had no choice. I had to step up and learn to do things for myself. For our family.
Osleidy with her mother and two daughters, 2024
With my daughter’s help, we made a plan. The first thing I did was get every bill and a notebook. I added up all the expenses to see how much money was going out per month. I transferred all the bills into my name and the credit cards. I also had to take a look at my lifestyle. Since my husband had a good paying job, I had to be realistic that when I got a job, I wasn’t going to bring in as much money as he did (but hopefully one day!).
After Damian passed, I took a brief time to grieve and then I started working full time at a parts assembly factory. There were moments when I thought I couldn’t do it. I was 45 entering the workforce in a new career, but I’m so proud of myself and the strength that us women have, of our ability to reinvent ourselves for our family after facing the adversities of life.
I still have hard days where I struggle to even get out of my bed, or all I can do is think of Damian and the long life we thought we had left. But then I remember my daughters, my mom and my strength. And I’m reminded no matter how dark the path appears to us, with effort and struggle, women become more powerful and independent every day.
