Calling All Men: Welcome to the First Day of The Rest of Your Life
Well, the election is finally over and there are a few things I know about you, my readers. You are happy your candidate won or unhappy because your candidate lost, or just glad you don’t have to watch any more political ads for a while and you can stop getting text messages asking for money. I also know that regardless of who we voted for, many of us are frightened about our future. And I also know that men are not the only ones who read my articles. So, let me tell you why this one is a call to men.
Everyone who reads this, whether male or female, have things that must be done today, regardless of the election results. You have work to do, families to support, money to earn, bills to pay, meals to prepare, children who need your love and support, friends with problems, doctor’s appointments to make, healing to do, and decisions about what you need to do next in your life.
This is a call to men because for the last fifty-five years, ever since the birth of our first son, Jemal, on November 21, 1969, I have been helping men and their families to live fully, love deeply, and make a positive difference in the world. I also think men are critical to the wellbeing of the future for themselves, their families, and most importantly for the community of life on planet Earth.
For more than fifty years www.MenAlive.com has been my window to the world where I offer resources that have been shown to be helpful—including articles, books, on-line courses, as well as individual, couples, and family counseling. Three years ago I invited several colleagues to join me in what I called a Moonshot for Mankind and Humanity to work together to improve the lives of men and their families. You can learn about our work at www.MoonshotforMankind.org.
We focus on men’s mental, emotional, and relational health for three important reasons:
- Boys and men are falling behind and we are experiencing higher levels of “deaths of despair” as men is 4 to 17 times higher than the rate for women and increases with age.
- When males suffer from depression and despair, females also suffer. When we lose fathers, brothers, and sons, the loss impacts mothers, sisters, and daughters.
- Violence turned inward can lead to higher rates of suicide. Turned outward it can lead to increased rates of family, community, and world-wide aggression. The comedian, Elayne Boosler captured this reality when she observed, “When women get depressed they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It’s a whole different way of thinking.”
Over the years working with men, I believe that men are both the “canaries in the coal mine” alerting us to the dangers we face, but also the hope for the wellbeing of all.
This is a Time of Transition in the U.S. and the World
“Today, many things indicate that we are going through a transitional period, when it seems that something is on the way out and something else is painfully being born,”
said Václav Havel former Czech statesman, author, and dissident.
“It is as if something were crumbling, decaying and exhausting itself, while something else, still indistinct, were arising from the rubble.”
I believe if we are honest with what we are seeing in the world, we will recognize the truth of Havel’s observation that something is crumbling, decaying, and exhausting itself. In her world-wide best-seller, The Watchman’s Rattle: A Radical New Theory of Collapse, social scientist Rebecca Costa looked at the troubles facing humanity and said,
“Today, the issues that threaten human existence are clear: an intractable global recession, powerful pandemic viruses, terrorism, rising crime, climate change, rapid depletion of the earth’s resources, nuclear proliferation, and failing education.”
The problem isn’t this political party or that one, Democrats or Republicans, our side or the other side. It is something much more fundamental. Costa quotes her mentor, two-time Pulitizer Prize winner E.O. Wilson who said,
“The real problem of humanity is we have Paleolithic emotions, medieval institutions and god-like technologies.”
Costa’s book was praised by a wide variety of luminaries:
- “Problems eventually become too complicated for the average intelligence—in The Watchman’s Rattle, Rebecca Costa depicts the challenges this presents.” –Dr. James Watson, Nobel Laureate
- “One of those rare books that one picks up and then knows within the first few pages is extremely important…extremely brave, spirited and well informed.” — Sir Richard Branson, Environmentalist and Entrepreneur
- “Rebecca Costa has written a riveting examination of our world’s most dire and complex issues. Her message for mankind is an ultimately hopeful one as she explores her fascinating theory about the brain’s ability to develop advanced problem-solving techniques in times of crisis. A must read!” –Donald J. Trump, Real Estate Developer and Entrepreneur
- “A brilliant understanding of how we got into our current predicament, and how we may well emerge from it relatively intact.” –Thom Hartmann, Best-selling author and host of The Thom Hartmann Program.
A Time for Hope and a Moonshot for Mankind
As a healthcare professional who has been working in the field for more than fifty years, I have seen a lot of people who lose hope. Marriages fall apart, addictions take over our lives, we try and fail at our goals to lose weight, exercise more, save for the future, or be the best fathers for our children.
There are times when we reach the end of our rope and feel there’s no use carrying on. We may even feel the world would be better off without us. I’ve been in those dark places myself in my life and I’ve been there for many others who almost gave up hope. What saved me and what I find saved others, is that we find a connection to another. We reach out or someone reaches out to us.
It may start with a few words. “You look like you’re hurting. What’s going on?” Somehow in our darkest moments we find a ray of hope. We don’t know what would help, but we know we need something to change in our lives. At one of my darkest moments following a painful divorce, when I wasn’t able to see my young children, I saw a post on a bulletin board about a men’s workshop with a talk by the psychologist Herb Goldberg, author of the book, The Hazards of Being Male.
These words caught my eye:
“The male has paid a heavy price for his masculine ‘privilege’ and power. He is out of touch with his emotions and his body. He is playing by the rules of the male game plan and with lemming-like purpose he is destroying himself—emotionally, psychologically, and physically.”
I had no idea what to expect but I joined a group of twenty-five other guys on a Saturday in April 1979. The day was transformative. Afterwards, those who were interested were invited to meet the following Wednesday at the home of one of the guys who had helped put on the event to see if we would be interested in starting a men’s group.
Ten of us showed up and we formed a group that began meeting weekly. Soon a few guys dropped out and seven of us continued to meet regularly. We are still together, a band of brothers together to the end. My wife, Carlin, will tell you that one of the main reasons she feels we have a successful 44-year marriage is because I’ve been in a men’s group for 45 years.
The Moonshot for Mankind is a movement that is committed to helping humanity on its healing journey. We believe man’s mental, emotional, and relational health is the key to empowering men to live long and well. Our mission is to help men live healthier, happier, more cooperative lives—fulfilling lives of purpose and productivity, where men are supported and valued as they make positive contributions to their families, friends, and communities. When that happens, families grow stronger, communities prosper, and humanity takes its next leap forward.
In these challenging times, it is easy to lose hope. We are living in uncertain times and the future can seem frightening. Neuroscientist Julia DiGangi offers the following thoughts which I find helpful:
“As the world brims with uncertainty, it’s vital to understand that the opposite of fear is identity. When you are frightened by uncertainty, this is your clearest signal to turn inward—a chance to decide: When those around me are shaking and systems seem to be crumbling, who will I believe I am?”
Believing in ourselves and having hope that we can act to make a better world for ourselves and others is what keeps us going. Václav Havel offers these words of guidance:
“Hope is not the conviction that something will turn out well. It is the certainty that something is worth doing no matter how it turns out.”
We know the outcome of the election, now it is our turn to act. We have an opportunity to come together and support each other in becoming the men we were meant to be at this time in human history.
We will be offering a number of events in the coming months and invite you to join us. If you’d like more information, drop me a note to: Jed@MenAlive.com and put “Moonshot for Mankind” in the subject line. I look forward to hearing from you. Please share with others you feel would be interested.
